Saturday, November 23, 2013

Elton John in concert: He's still standing, better than he ever did

Thanks to the generosity of my son, who surprised me with a ticket for a FLOOR SEAT in the 16th row, I got to see Elton John in concert for the the first time in over a decade.  I wasn't close enough to even think of angling for an autograph, and unfortunately I have not yet upgraded to a phone with zoom-lens capability, so I didn't get any really good pictures, but I was near enough to the stage to get a good view of Elton* as he sat at the piano doing his Elton Thing, singing with power and expression and playing piano with the sureness and virtuosity of someone who's been doing it, and doing it well, for four and a half decades.

Yeah, that's something to think about.  The man who still rocks "Rocket Man" and belts out "I'm Still Standing" better than he ever did, the man who amazed us time and again with his agile shifts between making the auditorium reverberate with the power of his vocals and moving us emotionally with deeply soulful ballads, is sixty-seven years old.  Why did that sound so much older when I was just a kid?

And yes, he did sing "Candle in the Wind."

Elton performed many, many 70s classics for his older fans (though I heard from at least one twenty-something fan that they, too, love Elton's early work) mixed in with a few tunes from the 80s, 90s, and 2000s, including a couple of pieces from his latest album.  Elton introduced "Oceans Away" with the observation that next year marks the hundredth anniversary of the First World War, along with remarks about the horror of war and the courage of those who, for whatever reasons, find themselves in the midst of fighting them.

As one of the many people in this state who worked and advocated for marriage equality, I found Elton's performance of "Believe," from one of my favorite albums, Made in England, especially moving.

Love is simple
Hate breeds
Those who think difference
Is the child of disease


Without love
I wouldn't believe
In anything that lives and breathes
Without love
I'd have no anger
I wouldn't believe
In the right to stand here
Without love
I wouldn't believe
I couldn't believe in you
And I wouldn't believe in me
Without love

For me, the highlight of the evening came not from hearing this or that favorite song, as much as I enjoyed hearing and singing along with my favorites, but from something Elton said several times over the course of the evening:  "I am the happiest man on Earth.  I am the luckiest man in the world.  I am blessed."  This sentiment was echoed in the slide show accompanying "Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road," an artistic overview of Elton's life and career, culminating in a wedding cake with two tuxedoed grooms and, atop a blooming flower, a photograph of Elton and David's sons.

This is a man at peace with himself and with his life and with his work.  Being there to see that, to feel the sincerity and happiness in his words, seeing Elton as happy offstage as he is amazing onstage, really made the concert a memorable experience for me.

Here's the playlist for the November 22, 2013 concert at Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota:

  • Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding
  • Benny and the Jets
  • Candle in the Wind
  • Grey Seal
  • Levon
  • Tiny Dancer
  • Holiday Inn
  • Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters
  • Believe
  • Philadelphia Freedom
  • Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road
  • Rocket Man
  • Hey Ahab
  • I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues
  • The One
  • Oceans Away
  • Someone Saved My Life Tonight
  • Sad Songs Say So Much
  • All the Young Girls Love Alice
  • Home Again
  • Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me
  • I'm Still Standing
  • The Bitch is Back
  • ? - An Elton John song I didn't recognize?! - Okay, the man's developed a considerable body of work over the past 45 years.  I suppose it's possible. ;-)  Anyway, Elton rocked it, whatever it was.
  • Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting


  • Your Song
  • Crocodile Rock

If I find good videos from the concert, I will post them in the comments on this note.  Meanwhile, you'll have to take my word for it that the Captain is still FANTASTIC.

Also, I do plan to upgrade to a smartphone sometime soon, so if anyone knows of a Bic Lighter app for smartphone, suitable for waving in the air at a concert during the slow songs, that'd be great.

* That is, when everyone in front of me wasn't standing and dancing and singing along with Sir Elton.

Monday, November 4, 2013

At fifty

I am the woman I always dreamed of becoming.

Strong.  Confident.  Serene.

Sometimes, yes, external circumstances can shake me, throw me off balance, upset me.  I am still human.  I feel deeply.  I am connected to life, to the world.

Yet in my core I remain stable and secure.  I know who I am.  I know my value.  I cannot be truly, fundamentally shaken.  I am stable.  I am secure.

Yes, fifty is a pretty good place to be.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

The parable of the giraffes and the sheep and how everyone else is wrong

For a few days at the end of October the Great Giraffe Riddle Meme swept through Facebook like a storm.  And, like a storm, it left some telling wreckage in its wake.

The rules of the game:  Send your answer to the riddle in a private message to the person posting the riddle.  Get it right, hurrah!  Get it wrong, you have to change your profile picture to a giraffe for the next three days.

The riddle:

It’s 3 a.m., the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors! It’s your parents and they are here for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open?

Of course it's a trick question.  It's a riddle, and trick questions are what riddles are all about.  We're expecting that.

We're also expecting that the answer to the riddle, once revealed, will be obvious, evoking the quintessential A-HA! moment in which all the pieces fall neatly into place.

This riddle, however, didn't fall out so neatly.  Arguments ensued, claims and counter-claims were made regarding the real "correct" answer, people were chided for voicing dissent from the shared viewpoint of their circle, friends were unfriended over their disagreements.

You'd think everyone had been arguing about religion and spirituality.

As with religion, some people chose not to participate at all.  And as with religion, some were criticized for not participating.  They were told that they were not good sports; that they were losers who couldn't handle a simple game; that they were idiots who couldn't comprehend the truth; that they were just all-around party poopers who had no sense of team spirit.

And as with religion, some of the ones who chose not to participate retorted that the ones who accused them of not being good sports were just a bunch of mindless sheep, following along unthinkingly according to the rules they were told to follow.

And as with religion, some who chose not to play the game still took an interest in studying the game, learning the different answers people were offering, engaging in discussions about the ways in which the texts could be interpreted.  And as with religion, people who did choose to play the game sometimes claimed that those who chose not to play the game had no business offering an opinion about the game, nor about its Official Text, nor about how to interpret its Official Text.

And as with religion, many chose to play the game, but not everyone played the game the same way.  People divided over their interpretations of how to play the game, and by what rules to play the game, and what answers were and were not acceptable in discussing the game.  People argued over other people deciding not to change their profile pictures, whether because they didn't agree that their answer was the wrong answer or because they simply liked the pictures they were currently displaying.   People argued about whether other people had the right to argue about the riddle.

As with religion, there were multiple versions of the Official Text being passed around.  And as with religion, people disagreed, sometimes heatedly, about which version was the One True Version.

And as with religion, people argued, sometimes with detachment and sometimes with passionate attachment, about which interpretation of the One True Version of the Official Text was the correct interpretation of the One True Version of the Official Text.

And as with religion, some people allowed for more than one possible right answer.  Or for no right answer at all.  Or for the existence of a right answer but enough ambiguity in the text and in the interpretation to suggest that we could not definitively say who was right and who was wrong.

And as with religion, some people argued not only that their answer was THEIR answer, but that their answer was THE answer, and that anyone who did not agree which answer was THE answer was certainly lacking in logic and intelligence and the social grace to acknowledge their horrendously offensive wrongness.

At least nobody claimed that anyone who disagreed with them was going to be damned forever and ever amen.  One small step, and all that.

And I'm left thinking, if we can't even agree to disagree over a poorly-worded grammatically-ambiguous riddle about an absurdly implausible scenario, is it any wonder we humans can't seem to agree to disagree on the far more personally important subject of how we view religion and spirituality?

Maybe we can learn a thing or two from the giraffe, after all, about not being a sheep.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Be your own confidence

Be a lamp unto yourself. Be your own confidence. Hold to the truth within yourself, as to the only lamp.

- The Buddha

Like every human being on Earth, I sometimes feel insecure.  And, like every creative and artistic person I've ever known, many of those insecurities center around my worthiness as a creative and artistic person.  If I am not careful, I can fall prey to the temptation of becoming a feedback junkie, constantly seeking signs of affirmation that my writing, my thinking, my insights are appreciated and valued and making a difference in people's lives.

These insecurities did not arise in a vacuum.

In seeking validation from others, I am seeking to assuage internalized beliefs that nobody wants what I have to offer, nobody values what I create, nobody wants to reward me for doing the things I love.  Every time I take a "hit" in terms of lack of support, especially by someone whose opinion I valued and trusted would be supportive, it's natural to want to fill the void with reassurance and affirmation that I really am all right, that I am worthy of my dreams, that I am not wasting my time, that it's okay to go after what I want to go after, that my most deeply held aspirations are valuable contributions waiting to be made to the world.

Many of you know--and have lived--the script:

Well, isn't that nice.  Wouldn't we all like that.  Sure you're going to change the world.  You'll learn.  Huh, who's going to pay you for that?  Some of us have to work a REAL job.  You're a writer?  Since when? Oh, that doesn't count.  You call that art?  LOL.  Still working on your great masterpiece, eh?  Dream on.

It took me a long, long time to realize that this kind of ridicule has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the person who is directing it at me.  Unlike constructive criticism, it serves no useful purpose and should be dismissed outright.

Constructive criticism focuses on ideas, addressing specific points where, in the opinion of the person offering it, a work, a proposal, or a project can be improved.  Often it will "ring true" as soon as you receive it, and you will feel positive and more clear as a result of receiving it.  Also, a person offering constructive criticism offers it as just that:  her or his opinion.  They say, This is how I see it, and then they let go of the outcome.  They will not be offended if you question the criticism, ask for clarification, or decide it just doesn't fit your vision.  Their ultimate goal is to build you up and help you to fulfill your vision.

Destructive criticism, rather than addressing ideas, attacks the person.  People who offer this type of feedback are not seeking to build you up but to tear you down.  Their criticism tends to be vague, evasive, shaming.  Any attempts to pin down specific points and ask for alternative ideas are met with yes-buts and non sequiturs.  Sometimes it takes the form of things unspoken, the support that's being withheld, the implicitly judgmental silence.  In any form, this kind of criticism has nothing to do with you or the value of what you are doing.  Its sole purpose is to undermine your confidence in yourself.

Whether overtly critical or subtly disapproving, when you encounter such a lack of support--even and especially if it is from someone close to you, someone whom you believe loves you and would never want to hurt you--protect yourself.  Back away psychologically, physically if necessary, and build a nice virtual wall around your heart and your craft and your visions and your dreams.  Recognize that this person is not and will not be supportive of your goal, accept it, and move on.

Then ask yourself the big question:

Why am I waiting for someone to give me permission to be who I am?

And then realize:  Your primary support comes from within yourself.

Just do what you want to do, create what you want to create.  Waste no more time or energy or attention on getting other people's approval or affirmation.  Approval and affirmation are wonderful, when you do get them, but learn to keep going even when the only one who believes in you is you.

That is the only way to stick to your vision, finish your novel, create your art, make a difference, become the change you wish to see in the world, reach your heart's desire in your life and your work.  Be strong within, strong enough to withstand the shifting winds of loyalty and support from without.  Release the restless search for feedback and affirmation.  Connect, but don't cling.  Dialogue, but don't depend.  And when someone turns on you, withdraws support, cuts you down?  Let it go.  Let them go.

Once we have established that we are indeed good at something we love to do, we need to confront our internalized critics, dismantle their ridicule, and replace that misguided ridicule with an appreciation of ourselves and of our own work.  The more we appreciate ourselves in a realistic, grounded way--the kind of appreciation that is genuine and heartfelt, not bluff and bluster to hide insecurity and doubt--the more we will radiate the confidence that nourishes our creative life and inspires others to appreciate us in turn.

Be your own confidence, and the time and energy you once expended on seeking approval for your dreams will go instead toward making your dreams your reality.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

The pursuit of pure ideas

We live in a culture which, to some extent, has always honored the Babbitts over the visionaries and the scholars, the pursuit of practical matters over the exploration of ideas which are simply interesting to explore.  Education is valued only in terms of monetary results:  The goal is seen, not to become a more educated person with broader perspective and greater understanding and ability to think critically, but to become "marketable," someone who will contribute to the development of products and the pursuit of profit.

Even the pursuit of pure ideas has been reduced to the model of product and profit.  Writers are expected to write, not to express themselves or explore thought-provoking ideas or create original works with literary merit, but to create a marketable product based on what editors and publishers think will sell.  Scientists are expected to be less interested in knowledge for its own sake and more driven to develop something that can be patented for profit.

As for people whose heart's desire is the pursuit of interesting ideas for its own sake?  They are scorned for being "useless" and "impractical" and wanting something they really shouldn't want, something of no value to the pursuit of product and profit and, hence, of no value to society.

Naturally the practical matters of life do need to be dealt with.  Whatever our interests in life, we all have to eat, be clothed, be sheltered, and clean and maintain our homes often enough to keep them livable.

Yet, in the famous words from the Sermon on the Mount, there is more to life than food and more to the body than clothing.  We have inner lives as well as outer lives.  We need to tend to our imaginations, our intellects, our values, our visions, our ideals, our fascination with continually exploring and understanding the world around us and within us.

Some of us seek--indeed, need--to make that pure pursuit of ideas the focal point of our lives.

Ideas are important.  Even when the ideas have nothing to do with products and profits, ideas are important.  The ideas we hold to be true shape the ways in which we live our lives, the values which guide the way we treat other people, the principles which guide the decisions we make, the knowledge which informs our understanding of ourselves, our communities, our world.

We need people who are not only willing to continually explore, question, challenge, reconsider, re-frame the societal scripts--those ideas we are given from birth and expected, without question, to follow as we live our lives--but who are passionate about doing this work, people for whom the ongoing exploration of ideas is as essential to living as breathing air, drinking water, and eating food.

We need these people.  We need to value these people.  And we need to readjust our educational and economic models to acknowledge the inherent value of these people and the insight, intelligence, and perspective they bring to the world with their exploration of ideas.

Friday, June 21, 2013


With gilded cloche I saw you crowned,
Crush-drunk dressed and midnight gowned,
Eternal in the June croonlight.

A spit-buffed alto memory prayed;
Echoes of tobacco swayed
And made petition in their flight.

Intoxicating snare drum roll;
Daisy in my buttonhole;
Tender, yearning in the night,

Straining toward your signal keen,
Circe calling, ever green,
Ever on the edge of sight--

Just another Jazz Age fool
Floating on a crimson pool.
But, hush:  It may yet turn out right.


Monday, May 6, 2013

I have the right to speak

When I am not writing, I am supporting my writing by working in customer service.  Now, it may come as a shock that one who dedicates her life to writing what she wants to write, as opposed to writing what someone else wants written, would need to find material support in ways other than her writing, so I'll give you a moment to process that shock.

Working in customer service can be stressful at times.  It is certainly a far cry from the utopian vision of a quiet little hermitage in which to focus all day, every day, on communing with the Muse within and bringing forth great works of wisdom.

However, working in customer service also provides some valuable insights into people and personalities and human nature, insights which come in handy not only for writing great works of wisdom but for gaining insights into oneself and one's experiences that provide greater clarity, perspective, and confidence in everyday life.

Most people are a pleasure to work with.  They treat customer service workers as fellow human beings and conduct business as an exchange between equals.  As, of course, it is.  These are the people who keep us coming back to work, day after day.

But once in a while, there will be a customer who wants to dominate the transaction, especially when they are told something they don't want to hear, such as a policy or legal limitation that affects the transaction in some way.  They treat their position as customer as a bully pulpit, in which the customer service worker has no choice but to bend to the customer's will in abject and groveling submission.

I'm told there are places that provide such services, but generally they are not found in mainstream retail centers in the suburbs.

One of the classic tactics of domination is silencing:  shouting down, interrupting, reprimanding the other person for what they are saying, flat-out telling the other person to shut up.  The message is that the other person does not have the right to say what they want to say.

In a customer service context, communicating information that is in some way related to the transaction at hand, the customer service worker has every right to say what needs to be said, even if it's not what the customer wants to hear.  And we have the right to say what needs to be said without being interrupted or shouted down or otherwise dominated by the customer.  And we have the right to ask you to stop interrupting us and shouting us down.  We'll be happy to listen to what you have to say; you, in turn, need to be willing to let us say what we have to say.

On a deeper level, instances of being shouted down and silenced trigger old messages from childhood, messages many of us undoubtedly heard at one time or another:  You just don't quit.  You just keep speaking up.  When will you learn?

Believe me, I have learned.  And here is what I have learned:

I have the right to speak.  I have the right to be heard.

Others, as well, have the right to speak and to be heard.  And I need to listen as well as speak.

But nobody has, or ever had, the right to silence me.

The day I leave this existence is the day I will stop speaking.

And even then, my voice will continue to be heard.

And no:  I don't quit.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Go to the damn bathroom

Raise your hand if you've ever felt any pressure at work to limit your trips to the bathroom.

That's a lot of hands.

American business culture is effed up in more ways than there are stars in the rural night sky, but few things are more effed up than attempting to regulate people's bodily functions.  Our bodies did not evolve to synchronize themselves with Company Time.  Our bodies do not always conveniently wait until the clock says Break Time before sending a Call of Nature.  Our bodies and our bodily functions are paragons of Internal Self-Direction, utterly indifferent to their impact upon the quarterly P&L Statement.  And some people have a problem with that.

The rationale, to the extent that reason can be said to have anything to do with the way such people run a business, is generally along the lines that "excessive" use of the bathroom wastes time and cuts down on productivity and profits.  Or, in a rare moment of honesty, they might simply admit that they are control freaks who want to ensure that the employees work in a perpetual state of fear and insecurity and feeling as if they have no authority whatsoever over themselves or their work lives.

People do not exist to serve business:  business exists to serve people.  Contrary to what they told you in your economics and business classes in school, the central purpose of a business is not to maximize profits for a handful of shareholders.  The real purpose of business is to meet human need:  to reward the investments and financial risks of the shareholders, yes, but also to provide goods and services that meet the needs of the customers, and also to provide a decent living to the people who are working in the business and creating those profits with their time, talents, and labors.

People need to make a living, and they shouldn't be expected to wreak havoc on their own well-being in order to do so.

You are a human being with dignity and worth.  You are entitled to earn your living in conditions that honor your dignity and worth.  Fundamental to being treated with dignity and worth is the freedom to use the bathroom at will.

Go to the damn bathroom.

If your bladder is full, pee.  If your bowels are moving, poop.  If you have got your period, change your tampon.

And don't ever, ever, ever let anybody, anywhere, in any position, make you feel as if you shouldn't attend to your bodily functions.  The only time there is such a thing as "too much" going to the bathroom is when it involves an underlying medical condition, in which case, go to the damn doctor.

And the damn doctor will probably tell you to drink plenty of fluids and go to the damn bathroom as needed.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Returning to the empty tomb

   when we both were dead

   to the same blank page
   seeking truth in unflinching
   brazen lines

But then
   you faded, then
   you fled

   to the margins of the
   once called home

   wrapped in what you knew
   your fledgling wings

   in security mocking vision
   to one who fears to

   the view beyond


Monday, March 18, 2013

There is no spoon

Do not try and bend the spoon.  That's impossible.  Instead, only try to realize the truth:  There is no spoon. - The Matrix

There is no spoon.  Yet within the Matrix, people are experiencing spoons; and for some, their spoons have sharp edges, jagged edges, edges that cut them and drain their lifeblood in the very effort to nourish themselves.  Even in a world in which everything is an illusion created within human minds, those human minds are experiencing very real suffering and pain.

The spoon, in real life, is not entirely in our minds.  Yet the spoon, in real life, is not entirely outside of our minds.  There is an external reality, AND, that external reality is created and shaped and re-created by our internal reality.  It is not either-or, but both-and.

There are external realities that cannot be glossed over, external realities that inflict very real pain and suffering on very real human beings.  Yet we also see human beings who find within themselves the capacity to shape their internal, subjective experience to cultivate inner peace, creating what good they can, even within the context of objective external realities that are brutal and oppressive.

Furthermore, we see that even the most brutal and oppressive social realities are products of the human mind.  People created these situations, these institutions, these practices; and what people have the power to create, people have the power to re-create.

External change begins with internal change, a change in how we see and in what we believe and in what we are willing--or not--to accept as immutably true.

When we realize that the spoons are socially constructed, we realize our own power to bend the spoons, mend the spoons, construct our own spoons in more humane and nourishing forms.

Friday, March 15, 2013


I never did quite learn
the art of drawing
encouragement from gagging
noises and stopped ears.

Every stage, every audience
is opportunity to prove
myself.  Listen!  Look!
I really, really can sing!
See?  Hear?
I'm not that bad.

Perhaps not great.  I don't need
to be great, I need only
to unstop ears,
ungag voices, prove,
prove that I really

A lifetime's vindication
rests upon each performance,
an expectation
my diaphragm cannot support.

So once again, in my solitary
third-shift computer room,
I render a flawless performance;
in cyberspace, where
no one can hear me


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Meaning of Marriage

On this Valentine's Day, love is in the air, and so is change:  One by one, states and nations are  granting legal recognition to same-sex couples as well as different-sex couples, making government-sanctioned marriage licenses available to all non-related couples of the age of consent.

Opponents of marriage equality tend to define marriage in reductionistic terms:  Marriage, to them, is an institution created by society to safeguard the "fruits" of "the procreative act."

Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart.  Here are a dozen roses to celebrate the safeguarding of our procreative acts.

For most of us in the twenty-first century, marriage--and sex--means a little bit more.

We do not see sex as a single "act."  We see it as a multifaceted expression of intimacy involving the whole body, mind, and soul.  Sometimes sexual activity is motivated by purely physical desire.  In the context of relationship, however, sex is more than just working out a bit of built-up tension:  It is an expression of affection, emotional bonding, and love.

Similarly, while sex certainly can serve to reproduce the species, that is not its only purpose, nor even necessarily its primary purpose.  Social bonding, after all, also contributes to species survival.  As long as enough members of a species are reproducing themselves to keep the species from going extinct, the evolutionary imperative for the continuation of the species is being served.  It is not incumbent upon every single member of every single species to replicate her or his DNA for posterity.

Were that the case, the Earth itself would have gone extinct a long time ago.

Marriage in the twenty-first century is more than a vehicle for procreation.  It is a partnership between equals:  a shared commitment, rooted in love and affection and compatibility, to building a shared life.

Note that the above definition of marriage excludes "marrying" villages, toasters, pets, and other red herrings.

Marriage may or may not involve children.  With or without children, marriage always means becoming family.

Finally, let us be clear on one essential point:  What we advocates of marriage equality seek is not to create some strange new phenomenon called "gay marriage" but to create legal recognition of all existing marriages, including those of same-sex couples which are not yet uniformly acknowledged.

Because, whether the state recognizes it or not, these couples are already, inherently, very much married.  Marriage is a state of being that no man shall ever put asunder.

Failing to recognize the de facto marriages of same-sex couples will not make their marriages go away.  It just makes daily life in our society a lot more difficult for those couples to navigate.

Creating hardships for people who are doing no harm is a violation of basic human ethics.

Gay people are not going to go away.  Gay couples are not going to go away.  We have a choice:  to recognize them as our family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and members of our communities, or to ostracize them and treat them as if they were less than human and continue to put up legal and societal obstacles to their happiness and well-being.