Thursday, August 20, 2015

Positively speaking, this needs to change

Recently I ran across a meme with words worth pondering:

Ever known a narcissist? They will verbally and emotionally abuse you, using put downs, criticisms, and insults. Then when you stand up for yourself, they come unglued and say you are the toxic one.

That really applies to the pattern of emotional and verbal abuse as a whole, not just to narcissism, and it is exactly spot on. It got me thinking about the times, from childhood on, when I experienced bullying and abuse, and about the pattern I saw more often than not: When I would say or do something to protest the abuse, I was the one who got in trouble for "making a fuss" or such like. From what I am told about the experiences of others, that is the typical pattern.

Why is this? Why is the tendency to blame the victim rather than the bully/abuser? Why do people tend to want to sweep it all under the rug, or say, well, you must have played a part in provoking the bully/abuser, or just look the other way and say nothing? Why do we shame the child for pointing out the truth that the emperor is buck naked?

A part of me really just wants to live a quiet creative life in peace and solitude, making nice writing and nice art and having no ripples in my pond, and chasing away those who would disturb my peace. Then another part of me remembers that disturbers still disturb, whether it's my peace or someone else's, and that part of me wants to speak out and use my considerable voice to help effect lasting social change.

In any case, whatever my particular role on Planet Earth, we as a society need to change the messages that ignore or excuse abuse. Positive thinking means recognizing our power to create positive and permanent shifts in our lives and in our culture. It does not mean pretending everything is fine just the way it is.

So I am positive that the simple act of speaking my truth is one step towards creating the vision of a safe and healthy society for all of us.  And so it is.